The Thing About Husbands…

husbands
The thing about husbands is they’re hard to figure out…

They have strange behaviors that wives have been trying to understand for generations. As a wife of fourteen years, I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try some things just won’t make sense to me, and I accept that. The thing about husbands is, that no matter how confusing they may be, it’s part of the reason we love them so much.

Husbands have this incessant need to fix things that aren’t even broken.

My husband made our trash can slide on of our cabinet on a fancy wood paneled platform because “it was bugging him.” He’s constantly trying to improve everything, yet he teases me about labeling and organizing the pantry, like I’m the weirdo. Sigh…

They’re attracted to their wives at peculiar times.

For some odd reason when I’m sick and looking like I’ve been hit by a bus. I’m talking coughing and sneezing, un-showered, with no make-up on and wearing a  giant t-shirt  my husband seems to be fiercely attracted to me. I’m not one of those girls that look normal when they’re sick, I get dark circles under my eyes, pale skin and oily hair… it’s no treat folks. Yet my husband finds it the appropriate time to make a pass at me. Maybe he just sees the vulnerability and thinks his chances are good, no honey…just no.

*This rule also applies when husbands are sick. Beware when you’re husband is sick he will be very attracted to you. It’s a thing…

thing about husbands

Nothing seems to scare them.

I have one of those husbands that’s not afraid of anything. I screamed at a floating feather the other day, thinking it was a bug. Yes, a feather. My hubby stabbed a spider the size of his hand  in our garage the other day with a sharp piece of wood, like some sort of vampire. I almost threw up just thinking about it. Men just handle things like flat tires, broken appliances and emergencies with ease. If you’re a woman that has no fear, please comment below and teach me your ways. I screamed at a feather people, a feather.

Husbands think all affection is an invitation.

If I rub my husband’s shoulders or hold his hand, he automatically takes that as an invitation for intimacy. I’ve tried to explain that women show affection to be loving and kind, but apparently men show affection simply because they’re animalistic cave-men.

They mark their territory like dogs.

My husband has this weird habit of smacking my butt or putting his arm around me when other men look at me. It must be his way of marking his territory. Thankfully, we aren’t dogs or he would apparently pee on my leg. Phew…

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One thought on “The Thing About Husbands…

  1. Nicole B. says:

    Oh my gosh, this sounds so familiar! Although my hubs smacks my butt all the time…*sigh*

    I figure at least he’s still interested in me and not ready to move on to someone else.

    It is a relief they don’t mark like dogs!

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